If God Has Forgiven Me, Why Can't I Forgive Myself?

Good morning, everybody. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Dear brothers and sisters in Christ, ACYO gathered this last Friday night. It was a fun night. We repaired the filling for the apple strudel. We had an evening service and a discussion, and we had a great time. We’re hoping that if you guys can help us stay for apple strudel filling after the service, it would be great.

But during that discussion on Friday night, we briefly discussed the following question, and it’s a question that many faithfully struggle with: If God has forgiven me, why can’t I forgive myself? It’s an honest question, but it also reveals something important about our spiritual lives.

As Armenian Christians, we have always understood repentance not simply as admitting our sins, but as returning to our Heavenly Father. When we kneel before God with sincere repentance, confessing our sins with humility, we do not encounter condemnation. We encounter mercy. We have been given a beautiful worship service every Sunday, our Badarak, where we pray together, ask for forgiveness, take communion, and are made anew.

The Apostle John writes in chapter 1, verse 9: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from our unrighteousness. Notice the words there. He is faithful. Our forgiveness, it doesn’t depend on how worthy we feel. It depends on the faithfulness of our Lord.

And the prophet Isaiah records God’s promise in chapter 43, verse 25: I am he who blots out your transgressions for your own sake, and I will not remember your sins. Imagine that God, whose knowledge is perfect, chooses not to hold our sins against us once we have repented. Yet we often continue carrying that burden that God has already lifted from our shoulders. Too often, we allow the voice of the evil one to whisper, you are still your mistakes, you are still your failures. But that is not the voice of Christ. Christ calls us to be his children. He restores us. He heals us.

Our Armenian church fathers have spoken about this and truly understood it. St. Gregory of Narek, whose book of Lamentations also comforted countless souls, yet he never hid his own brokenness before God. Yet he never doubted God’s compassion. Again and again he speaks of God as a forgiving king whose mercy is greater than our sins and who loves us always, his love always reaches towards the repentant heart. He also writes that God forgives sin, erases iniquity, and forgets our iniquities far beyond what human dare to expect.

Likewise, St. Nerses Shnorhali teaches us in the I Confess with Faith that repentance is not simply about looking backward, it’s about allowing God to transform us every day. In one of his prayers, he says: O Christ, the quickening fire, inflame my soul with the fire of your love. Consume the stains of my soul, cleanse my conscience and my mind, and kindle the light of your knowledge in my heart. Beautiful words. Notice that St. Nerses does not only ask to be forgiven, he asks to be transformed. That is the purpose of repentance. God does not simply erase our sins. He renews our hearts. And once our hearts are renewed, we become bearers of his light.

St. Paul reminds us in Ephesians 4:32: be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you. When we truly accept God’s forgiveness, we stop living as prisoners of our past and we begin living as witnesses of his mercy. Our world, it desperately needs people who reflect the compassion of Christ. Our families need it. Our communities need it. Our church needs it.

Psalms 103 gives us one of the most beautiful images of God’s mercy. As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. East and west, they never meet. This is how completely God removes the sin of those who sincerely repent.

I once heard someone say, if God is merciful enough to cast out our sins as far as the east is from the west, who are we to keep diving into the ocean to bring them back?

Brothers and sisters, believe what we pray, believe what we confess, believe what the gospel proclaims. If God has forgiven you, receive his forgiveness with humility and gratitude. If God has renewed you, walk as a renewed person. Leave behind the weight of yesterday and live in the hope of today. May we leave this service strengthened by our Lord, trusting completely in his mercy, encouraging one another in love. Let us all shine as light in the world that longs to know the peace of Christ.

I say this in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.